Its hard to be care free and silly when the weight of other peoples bullshit is sitting on your chest.
Im talking about me. And my relationships with other people. It is no longer easy to be friends and its mostly just become a totally half hearted deal about trading resources instead of love.
Most people arent worth the trouble. Some people are amazing and id do anything for them. But most people dont really know what love is it seems.
I mean im a baby and iv whined and whined and whined at people who had there own problems so I guess I should have more compassion. But its hard when my opinion of most of these people is so honestly low by now. I know everyone is still jist learning but I don’t feel like being the fucking grown up anymore. I want a break or somthing. I don’t want anyone crying at me anymore. I always feel Like someone is tugging on my sleeve or wanting me to carry them or leaning on me. Its been at least a year since I had someone ask me how I was feeling.
I mean I do it to myself tho. I know that. Its the role I like to play. Always has been. But I get exhausted. When my little brother started kindergarten I was in grade 2 and I spebt every recess playing with him because he missed mom and was to shy to play with the other kids. So I played with him everyday until I missed playing soccer with my friends to much and had to leave him. And he was fine but he cried at first and some kids made fun of him so I had to fight them and im a pussy and hit like one so I couldn’t make them stop and kids are mean so I got made fun of to. And eventually I had to stop caring about what my brother did at recess because it was fucking hard and I couldn’t help it anYway.
Idk man. I just need a vacation.
I fixed my truck last night tho :)